Our neighbor upstairs had a party and someone yelled, “YESSS this is my jam!”, as
Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8r Boi” came on. He started watching X-Files and we know exactly how
many episodes because we hear the theme song every time he plays one.

He walked into our apartment thinking that he was walking into his apartment. All of us
were shocked. He exclaimed: “This is not my apartment!” and left. It wasn’t after he was
gone that we realized it was that neighbor.

Our upstairs neighbor is the guy that is right on top of us. He yelled, “Have you seen my
asshole?” He played “Monster Mash” twice during his Halloween Party.

He got sick of X-Files and started watching The Office. I don’t like that series but the
theme song is perfect.

I can not read this poem out loud because he will hear me.

I want to tell him he gave up on the X-Files too early. He stopped before he got to see
my favorite episode: “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space.” Alex Trebek is in it. I want to ask:
Why are you either alone or having a big party? Why don’t you ever have just one
person over? I want to ask: Do you want to hear the poem I wrote about you?

Valerie Loveland is a poet and programmer living in Philadelphia. She enjoys audio poetry, video games, celebrity cats, and fountain pens. Her most recent two books are Female Animal, and Mandilble Maxilla.