it’s just a split lip December
a bull’s eye of a birth month
all wide eyed and waning
turning twenty-one felt nothing
like shedding skin and everything
like the crack of a honey comb
I fell in love with a boy
and choked on the full moon
and tumbled all the way
through the rush of the
deep and tangled blue

I thought I’d taste wild berries
or summer
or god
I thought it’d last
or settle like fog
I thought I’d learn from bruised knees
or the sprint of spring

but it’s 10 months later and I’m out on the other side
on paper thin perceptions of being
still backlit and burning
still burgeoning on the lives I’ve lived
and days I’ve lost
and tongues twisted on the “coming home”
of everything and everything and
everything not meant for me

with two hands I hold my craters
and blame the way I shake on my
grandma’s mother’s grandma Paulina
and her husband’s ink I take
for all the poems,
all the shouting I do about my heart
all the sea glass I couldn’t keep
I’m waist deep and wading
I’m here and look,
I’m going to talk about growing up
until the day I die
but boy,
does it feel like losing

Savanna Deweese is a 21-year-old senior student at the University of Tulsa.