Last week I drove past a century-old church that I knew from experience was made of sticks and stones and words that hurt me, and I saw a sign advertising a Holy Spirit Garage Sale—which made me wonder what gently used things God would be looking to get rid of to make a little cash. […]
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A break in the wall.If we ignore the ontological difference, the immense nothingness between the thing in its being and the being of the thing, we will miss the possibility of our own establishment as human beings in the existence in which we are immersed. —Ricardo Escarduça on 1984, an exhibition by Teresa Milheiro We […]
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I fell out, and I was born. That’s it. There’s nothing else to it. But birth did not mark my beginning: I began the day a classmate deemed me worthy to behold the knowledge of the ‘Superman S’. I began gap-toothed. I began in a farmer’s market sample bucket, and I hope to meet my […]
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I live by the fifth-most-dangerous intersection of roads in the state of Michigan. I once heard a car crash into a house across the street, and a woman shrieking no over and over again in the early hours of the morning. This is the only thing I dislike about where I live. When I walk […]
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By mid-morning, the sun had straggled above the river, and Carmen was again staring at one of the rich boys from Palo Alto. It was the middle of a sweltering and unstoppable summer, the Fourth of July in waiting. The light laked its way across the sidewalk to where the two of us sat, under […]
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I was born as an ode to this country—skin and sinew spun from the American Dream, from my mother’s stretch marks and growing pains. She chose my name because it means “blossom” in her language—because she wanted me to grow and climb and soak in the sun of opportunity, to bask in the privilege she […]
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There are mangoes now. There always have been, of course—just because something stops tasting good doesn’t mean it stops growing—but there are mangoes again. There are mangoes, and there is the cerulean sky, and there is sweet, sticky amber coating my palms and racing toward my elbows. In the winter, they grow Crayola yellow and […]
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In my memories of the baseball diamond behind my elementary school, it never rains. I’m sure it did—this was deep within California’s drought years, but there must have been muddy infields and cancelled practices. What I remember, though, is all sun and dry dugout dirt floating up to irritate our eyes and grazed elbows. We […]
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I learned my grandfather died in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, somewhere between Los Angeles and Tokyo. A text arrived in the plane’s whirring, slipping past all the miles of metal and clouds to glow quietly on my screen. I was sipping green tea that tasted like warm hay. The flight attendant paused, scanning […]
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A mosaic of vibrant magnets covered my family’s off-white refrigerator. My eyes traced the mural from the I ❤ NYC sticker in the top-right corner of the door, down to the Honolulu postcard, and past the handle to family photos in Beijing, evoking memories that felt like fairy tales. As a kid, I believed our […]
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Dear Father, Why did you keep taking me to your childhood home? Now that you’re dying, no one else wants to go there with me. My mother drives through in a rush, too spooked to stop more than a moment. Decrepit but still standing, then vacant, covered in weedy trees and vine, now cleared again, […]
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lies its twisted self around the circumference of my brain. My age: eleven. The age I wished to be when he tumbled from earth to heaven: ten. Or twenty. Or thirty. Or any number beginning or ending with the number zero, because to the ancient Greeks “zero” is a non-number.“Nothing.” μηδέν. The number one (I […]
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Overture in Ow Major If my pain had a sound, it would be the pulsing hum of an MRI machine. I went into one when I was ten, maybe eleven. I’d been in and out of Children’s Hospital appointments for nearly a year, diagnosed with minor scoliosis for two, and stuck with doctors scratching their […]
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“She dresses up like that to go out for noodles?” —an off-screen character in In the Mood for Love As we passed all of the extravagant wallpaper designs, including an art deco print of cheetahs, a not so subtle homage to the dim sum lounge’s name, the host grandly gestured to the booth and chair-table […]
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(content warning: mental illness, suicide, body horror) The first track of Isaac Hayes’s Hot Buttered Soul plays in the background. “Walk on By” is a cover song; subsequently it has been sampled repeatedly: Damn they trynna stick me for my paper. I can’t go to sleep. I can’t shut my eyes. But my technique is […]
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Thanksgiving is not the place to get naked and unashamed. That was Eden, and we are several miles away. Thanksgiving is the place to deliver chrysanthemums coaxed into the shape of poultry. As you hand your aunt the flower turkey, distance crimps carefully. It is as guarded and dry as her smile in its separate […]
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I think I am drinking spit. I can feel it on my tongue, just that bit thicker than water, sliding down my throat like egg white. Gabrielle is banging her palm on the sticky table, repeating the start of a drinking chant we all know, in a tone that is slightly too aggressive for 7am. […]
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Lately I have stopped being able to recognize my face as a sum of its parts. When I stand in front of the mirror, pinching soft skin between accusatory fingers, the face that looks back is unrecognizable, each feature isolated like pieces of a disjointed puzzle. My reflection smiles at me and parts her lips, […]
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Nearly halfway to 14 and I’ve slept with more men than my parents Pat and Steve would ever care to count. I know them by their names in my head, where the safety I can sometimes make happen looks like a sort of glow: outside, they have to be the Mom and Dad who get […]
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Content warning: Mentions of sexual harassment and rape. No one warned me about boys. In Grade 6, I was ill-prepared when a group of them took my backpack and tossed it in the boy’s bathroom. My textbooks and notebooks were wet from whatever was leaking under the urinals. They locked me in as soon as […]
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I’ve been estranged from my parents for five years, and this is not the first time I have been estranged from them. In movies it is often a single event, a concrete conflict, addiction, or an unfortunate event that leads to estrangement. In my case, and I suspect in many cases, the problem is not […]
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Chicken Hekka is a dish originating from the plantation era. It is a Hawaiian version of Japanese sukiyaki and is still popular today. Cook time: 5 generations and approximately 45 minutes Ingredients: 1. Boneless chicken breast 2. Dried Shiitake mushrooms 3. White planter elite to oust Queen Lili’uokalani 4. Canned straw mushroom 5. Long rice […]
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beloved(s)! plz clink ur glasses w/ me! today is my 25th birthday. today is always my last birthday. today is X-mas. today is Yom Kippur. today is Columbus Day. today is a day of celebration. how else to consider life w/o joy? no. ur probs right: the big dipper is scoopin all the stars 2nite […]
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In the city that birthed rebellion in the decade before my mother birthed me, I have built a home out of ruins. This city that burned itself and then rose from its own ashes has been my guide, showing me the way through the flame ignited by my own personal book of matches. This city, […]
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VAGABOND CITY 