after Eleanor Wikstrom

& while writing this, mā,
      i am still learning how your absence
bites my body bare under 
     yellowed street lamps,
carves tragedy or myth or memory 
     out of a girl’s womb. mā, is this the
distance between girl & womanhood? tonight, against the cold-
     faced concrete, i sketch the city skyline, trace
every path we took down the alleys. scenes so foreign 
     i find sinew thinning by your tomb until
figments of mā mold into tā, 
     & this body i
grieve is another unrecognized. 
     tonight, i slip into the kitchen &
hover over the cutting board, squeeze the quivering knife
     while your ghost watches, warbling
intonations of a motherless daughter. 
     in every dream, i trace my
jaw against the dust-
    speckled mirror because it only
knows how to bare teeth.
     a family is whole, i
learn, when a mother’s & daughter’s lips
     part to the same syllables when hungered,
mouths molding to the same language. how can i 
     inherit your tongue to speak my
name? even your casket mouths 
     better mandarin, snapping its jaw
open, remembering all the 
     prayers it consumes. & this is how i 
play russian
     roulette with my body,
questioning whether standing
     too close to the edge of your grave helps me
remember. mā, is there a way to 
     relive girlhood? how can i
stroll through streets without 
     tight fists stuffed inside pockets, nails 
teething against calluses? when you are buried, i nestle my body
     in the crabgrass overgrown to your casket’s shape, try to
unlearn this bloodline without reinventing
     violence. with my knees bloody-bruised, un
-veil a new creation. call it anything, mā,
     until this hurt unfurls to
wallflowers, weaving along the
     backyard trellis, gazing upon
xīng xīng until yesterday’s sorrow crumples into 
     train tickets you bought last
year for my birthday. mā, i am going 
      somewhere far soon. when can i mutter
zài jiàn without a tight-lipped prayer?

Rosie Hong is a writer from Houston, Texas. A 2024 YoungArts Winner with Distinction in Short Story and 2023 Scholastic Gold Medalist, her work is published or forthcoming in Rust & Moth, Bowseat, and others. She serves as the editor-in-chief of Fleeting Daze Magazine.