after Jenny Tiskus

The first day with the stethoscope
the thought of eyes catching
on my buzzed head and refusing
to let me listen to the child’s heartbeat
lands like a winch hook behind my
sternum, reeling me up and away
from the rancid culture simmering
in parental guts before I can even
press the tiny belly, find the hurt.
Years on I am criss-cross applesauce
waiting out my shift in the pediatric ER
bathroom when the mirror shows me
the monster beneath every fascist’s bed,
a gender weirdo lurking around
the same toilets their kids use,
instead of a kindly family doctor
silently screaming into their own arms.

Jasper Kennedy is a family doctor and Alabama transplant in the Pacific Northwest. Their work has been published in Screen Door Review, Rogue Agent, beestung, and others. You can find them any given morning snuggling their cats in a blanket cocoon.